Subtitle: No good deed goes unpunished.

The following is a true-life work story. It may be boring, especially for those who don't like math, so feel free to skip, but I have to get this down. I ordinarily don't blog about my work, but I felt the need to relate this one. I may think better of this and delete it later. Names changed, etc...

"The price is $3500.00."

He doesn't look happy...face a little flushed. Glances at his daughter.

"More than you expected?"

"Well..." Smiles, a little sheepish.

"It's a very nice item. There's a lot of work in this...sorry..." I give him a pained, empathetic look.

"I understand...are there other costs? The permit fees are extra I assume?"

"Yes, they are extra. Look...these materials are expensive, also..." I explain a little as to what goes into the cost, how much work there is. "I see you've got mailings from other places." The daughter is thumbing some competitors' brochures she's received. I've seen them all before. I have a drawer full of them. "If you want to look around, check the price, go ahead. It's not a problem. Please. I'll beat any price you get."

"No, no. We're not going to do that. How much is it again?"

"$3500.00, but I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll cover the Sales Tax [5% in Massachusetts]. I'll include the tax in the $3500, so the permit fees are the only extra. I know, I know, you get these mailings, they have cheap prices in them. That's to get you in."

"Yeah, there's one in here...we could get an item for $1500.00."

"Oh sure, I could make you something for $1500.00. Absolutely. But I couldn't make you this item for $1500.00. This is much more costly."

Long story short...after much back and forth, me asking them if they think I'm ripping them off, they assuring me that's not what they think, they accept the deal and sign the contract. I write "Product + Tax -> $3500.00. They leave to get a check for the deposit.

A few minutes pass. Phone rings. "Hello?"

It's the old man. "Can you explain that cost again? This is $3500 plus tax?"

"No. $3500 including tax. There's no extra. It's all written down."

"See, my daughter is asking me. So...how much is the item itself, then?"

"Well, I don't know exactly. I have to do the math to see how to make price so the tax makes the total come out to exactly $3500.00." I couldn't remember the math for that off the top of my head (I remembered later), but I hemmed and hawed about the amount...$3350 or something...with me wondering what difference it makes...we went back and forth for a minute or so, he said he understood...OK, see you later.

Half hour later...they're back. Old man hands me the check..."but can you explain the price again?"

Good lord.

"How much is the item?"

"Well, it's $3333.33 + 166.67 and that makes $3500.00"

The daughter now. "But you said you would pay the tax."

"Yeeees..."

"So why aren't we paying $3333.33?"

"Well...no...the total price is $3500 including tax. I mean, you should be paying $3675 total."

"So we're still paying the tax then?"

"Well, technically, yes. You are still paying tax, but I have lowered the price by about 5% so really, you aren't."

"But that's not what you told us. You said you were paying the tax. And if it's 5% off, why isn't the item $3325? That's $175 off."

"Yes, but $3325 plus 5% doesn't come out to an even 3500. I need to make it come out to and even 3500. See? That's the idea. It's only a few dollars difference. I mean, it's not exactly 5% off, but...y'know, just about."

"No, this still doesn't make sense. Why did you write down $3500? You said you were paying the tax, but we're still paying the tax."

We're getting a little more heated now. She's not sure how, but she's clearly convinced I'm ripping them off and not honoring what I said, while I'm convinced I'm talking to a complete moron.

I start scribbling on paper. Maybe visual aids will help. "Look, here's the original price...3500+175=3675. But I'm swallowing the tax, I'm giving you a discount, I'm lowering the price so you're only paying 3333.33+166.67=3500? See?"

"No. Why isn't the item 3325?"

"Because 3325 x 1.05 comes out short of 3500, and I'm making it come out even. See? It's only 34something..."

"So we're still paying tax!"

Ohmygod. "Well, yes, but I've lowered the price, so really, you're not. You should be paying 3500 + tax, but I can see that's tough, so I'm taking something off for you. I'm giving you a discount. See, someone has to pay the tax. The tax gets paid. I have to collect it. That's the law. So I'm just messing the numbers about to make the numbers come out. See what I mean? "Bill?" You see what I mean?"

"Yeah, I get it."

"Well I don't..." Daughter. "But if you're OK..."

"I'm OK..."

Finally, they go. But not before she snatches the paper with my number scribbles on it. For later study, no doubt.

When I tell you that I have compressed the back and forth both of this and the earlier phone conversation, believe it. But it all amounts to the same thing anyway -- a lot of nothing and nowhere. One of the top five most frustrating discussions of my life. They understood no better after however many minutes of explanation than they did at the beginning. And it wasn't just the continuous repetition of "No, I still don't understand..." That would merely have been frustrating. No, what bothered me was the clear implication that she was not getting it because I was obviously being deceitful in some way. I wasn't doing what I said I would do. She just knew it. If I hadn't been doing business with this family for many years, they weren't locals, I didn't like the old fellow...and a reason or two more I can't get into...oh, and if I didn't need the sale, even at a discount, I'd have handed the fellow his money back. Please, go elsewhere. Hell, it started at a good price and I made it better... But I couldn't do that. I try to be patient. And is it often tried...

Calgon take me away.

I need some sleep.